Monday, June 8, 2009


Mom slept most of the day, thanks to morphine. No need to increase the dose yet :)

She developed a fever though, and it wouldn't go down the whole day. Dr added on a new antibiotic - Fortum.

The highlight of the day was when three gentlemen came to say prayers for mom. I remembered that when she had the stroke 7 years ago, there was this one day when Sonny was with her in hospital and two of dad's friends came to visit. They held hands and said prayers for her. Mom doesn't usually like this kind of thing but she said she felt very touched this time, and it was very nice.

Sonny described it as two angels swooping down from nowhere to lift them up with their prayers.

When I recalled this, I asked Sonny and Dad if they could remember who these men were and could they be contacted. Sonny's hair turned white but still couldn't recall the name. Dad remembered that it was a Lion. So he looked up the members list and when he saw the name, he remembered.

He called the man and they arranged for him to see mom today. The whole family also went along. We were all around mom's bed as the prayers were being said. Mom was in her morphine sleep but I know she was aware. Her breathing, bp and pulse were all responding. When it was over, I whispered in her ear and asked if she liked it. She smiled! She SMILED!!! We all saw her lovely beaming smile! Oh Joy!

Then she went back to sleep.

We are still weighing the options of providing palliative care in hospital or at home.

Staying in the hospital will be easier for us. Less worry. If anything happens, there are nurses and the MO. There is also all the equipment of course.

Going home is scary. Since March, we've spent more time in hospital than at home. We go home for 2 or 3 days and she has to be re-admitted. What if we bring her home and then she has a heart attack or chokes on phlegm or has a seizure or fever - what do we do? Even if Hospis can train us to manage that crisis, what if she succumbs? Will our lack of expertise cause or hasten her demise? It is a scary, scary responsibility. Speaking to the Hospis dr was not very reassuring either. We need more info. We need to find home nurses.

My heart tells me that mom will find it easier to have closure and let go when she is at home. I think she is only just realising that her time is up. She's always been so very positive all along. As though dying was just not an option. Now it is a looming reality. I talk to her and sometimes we cry together, and I have this intuitive feeling that she needs to be at home in order for HER to say goodbye. I want to honour this. All of us want what's best for her, even if it makes us worry more. She's our priceless treasure.

So now we are getting more info, finding resources, and then we'll decide.

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