"Death is merely the extinguishing of the candle because the dawn has come."

Mommy's Birthday : 21st January

A few close relatives and friends got together to remember and honour mom on her birthday. To all those we could not reach in time, we hope this post will let you feel that you too have shared this event with us.

Birthdays were always important to mom and she would always make sure that each of our birthdays are celebrated without fail. No matter how busy we were, she would persist and persevere and somehow manage to find a date when the family can come together for a simple meal and just be together to cherish each other's birthdays.


So when her birthday came near, we wanted to do the same. The day mom was born into this world was a very special day. Not just for us, but also for the thousands of people she has touched.

Dad shared how mom's death has left a huge void in his life.And with the support of friends and family, that void can start to be filled. Dad also quoted a chinese poem which he translated as : when a leopard dies, he leaves behind his skin. When a human being dies, it is their name that is left behind.


This prompted mom's dear friend Dato' Seri Dr. Jagdev Singh to recite this poem, written by James Henry Leigh Hunt (1784-1859):

Abu Ben Adam (may his tribe increase)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace
And saw, within the moonlight of his room
Making it rich, like a lily in bloom
An angel writing in a book of gold.
Exceeding peace made Abu Ben Adam bold
And to the presence in his room he said
'What writest thou?' The vision raised its head
And with a look of all sweet accord
Answered: 'The names of those who love the Lord
'And is mine one?' said Abu.
'Nay not so' Replied the Angel:
Abu spoke more low
But cheerily still and said 'I pray thee then
Write me as one that loves his fellow-men'
The angel wrote and vanished. The next night
It came again with awaking light
And showed the names of whom love of God had blessed.
And lo! Ben Adam's name led all the rest.



My niece, Mike 's daughter Mellissa read out the moving lyrics of a song she had found. So beautiful and apt, it left many eyes sparkling wet.


If You Could See Me Now (Words by Kim Noblitt)







Our prayers have all been answered
I finally arrived
The healing that had been delayed
Has now been realized
No one's in a hurry
There's no schedule to keep
We're all enjoying Jesus
Just sitting at His feet

If you could see me now
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I'm standing tall and whole
If you could see me now
You'd know I've seen His face
If you could see me now
You'd know the pain is erased
You wouldn't want me
To ever leave this place
If you could see me now



My light and temporary trials
Have worked out for my good
To know it brought Him glory
When I misunderstood
Though we've had our sorrows
They can never compare
To what Jesus has in store for us
No language can share



If you could see me now
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I'm standing tall and whole
If you could see me now
You'd know I've seen His face
If you could see me now
You'd know the pain is erased
You wouldn't want me
To ever leave this place
If you could see me now

Mom's Resting Place In Nirvana

Mom's ashes are stored in a beautiful collumbarium called Nirvana Memorial Centre in Shah Alam, just twenty minutes from home.

It's a very tastefully done up place, with many little considerate touches. I'm so glad Mike and Dad found this place for Mom.

When we went to visit Mom on Christmas Day, we had a very nice surprise : the place was all done up! There were flowers, drapes, chandeliers, music, and even Christmas decorations! That really made our day :)

Here are some photos.

































We're organising a Memorial Service here on Mom's birthday, 21st January 2009. If you'd like to attend, pls post your name and address on this blog, or just call us.

Mom's Henry Dunant Award

I received this from Jaya Maruthan :
Hi Janet, I thought you should know this...En. Hisham, SecGen and I attended the RC/RC Statutory Meetings in Nairobi recently. During the Henry Dunant Medal award presentation ceremony on the first day of the Council of Delegates Meeting, the Movement honoured your dearest mom, the late Datuk Ruby Lee as one of the aw...ard receipients for 2009.

En. Hisham represented the Malaysian Red Crescent up stage while Datin's tribute was read out.
A photo of her flashed over a huge screen decorated the hall while honouring her. It actually gave me the impression that she was watching everything that was happening that evening..

A one minute silence was observed and a standing ovation followed this to pay respect for her selfless contibution to humanity and in particular the Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement. We were overwhelmed by emotions as we missed her very much...May her soul rest in peace.

Thanks Jaya and En Hisham. I'm really very glad that mom was able to accept the award in person in March this year.

Mom's Birthday is coming soon

Mom was born on 21st January. Dad and I have decided that we will honour that day with a memorial gathering. The day she came to us is just as important as the day she left us.

100 days

It's been a hundred days since mom passed away. One hundred empty days. As dad says, her loss is indescribable. While we each do our best to get through our grief and sadness, it has not been easy arranging for our regular Sunday night family dinners. I realise now that Mom controlled all of us with an iron will and incredible persistence. We had family dinners so often because she was willing to nag us endlessly about which day we're free. Now that it's up to us, I have a better understanding of how mom was the glue that kept us together.

Tonight I think she would be happy. We visited her at the Shah Alam Memorial Park, read some prayers and then we adjourned for dinner. Just the way mom would have organised it :)

4th July : Mom & Dad's 62nd Wedding Anniversary

62 years ago today, mom and dad got married at St. Mary's Anglican Cathedral. They made a promise to each other that they would raise a close knit family. And they did just that. We're having a quiet BBQ at Mike's home tonight.

Ruby Lee remembered

Click on the title to read a lovely letter written by former MRCS volunteer ST Rajagopal.

We're still receiving donations

If you've been planning to donate but haven't got around to it yet, there is still time. We'll probably close accounts at the end of June. So just let me know if you'd like to make a donation to these organisations in mom's name :
• Malaysian Red Crescent Society
• Hospis Malaysia
• Society for the Severely Mentally Handicapped
• MAKNA (Majlis Kanser Nasional)
• Community Support Network

Just address your cheque directly to them, or send it to me and leave it to us to divide the amount equally, whichever you please. If you do want to give something, please let me know to expect it. Many thanks.

A Beautiful Saying

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” (Author Unknown)

Thank you Yenny, for sending this to me.

Janet's blog

Lots of memories of mom are here in my blog.
Just click on the title of this post.
We even have photos of her attending a Terry Fox Run!
(of course, she was in her wheelchair rolling downhill while we were running after her hahaha!)

Personal stories

If you come across any personal stories, tributes or postings about mom, please send me a link. In time, we will post the many comforting condolence messages here on this blog.

We came across this nice one by Marina Mahathir, a feisty lady whom mom admired.
http://rantingsbymm.blogspot.com/2009/06/datuk-datin-paduka-ruby-lee-1927-2009.html

You can find Janet's personal blog by clicking on the title of this post.

Funeral details

MONDAY 15TH & TUESDAY 16TH JUNE, 10am - 10pm.
Come pay your last respects at
Nirvana Memorial Centre
No. 1 Jalan 1/116A,
Off Jalan Sungai Besi
57100 Kuala Lumpur



There will be a special service at the wake on Tuesday 16th June at 8pm.

WEDNESDAY 17TH JUNE.
The church service will be conducted at mom's favourite church, the one where she got married. It's next to Dataran Merdeka, there should be ample parking in the basement car park of Dataran.

Date : Wednesday 17th June
Time : 11am
Church : St Mary's Anglican Cathedral
Jalan Raja (Dataran Merdeka)
50050 Kuala Lumpur

NO WREATHS PLEASE. Donations to the following organisations in mom's name would be greatly appreciated. Choose your favourite or let us divide it equally, it's completely up to you.
• Malaysian Red Crescent Society
• Society for the Severely Mentally Handicapped
• Hospis Malaysia
• MAKNA
• Community Support Network

Thank you all for your constant and everflowing love, support and prayers. We are very blessed to you in our lives. Deep, deep thanks from all of us.

Mom has gracefully taken the hand of God.

It was a day filled with laughter. We had said everything we needed to say to her, and we had heard her 'speak' to us as well. All was forgiven, all love was freely expressed without restraint. That was yesterday.

So today, we just sat in her room, played music and made jokes.

I think that's why she decided that it is ok to leave us. She waited until we were ready. All of us were at home.

When she took her last few breaths, we were all by her side. As her heart gradually stopped beating, she was surrounded by loving kisses and tender touches. She gracefully departed with angels by her side, taking the hand of God.

What a beautiful, graceful passing. She left us with one final beautiful memory. So typical of her. Every gesture is made with deep love and consideration. That's mom.

Another dawn to be grateful for

AM : Mom is still with us, but getting weaker and colder. Still sleeping as peacefully as a baby.
We're topping up her medicines today - we only brought home a 3-day supply from Pantai, and we've run out.

We're thankful to have another day in which to cherish her and care for her. She seems to be most comfy when we are in the room with her and she can hear our voices.

Another dawn

Mom's done it again. The dr said that when her extremeties start getting cold, her body will be in the final stages of shut down.

At about 11.30pm last night, her toes and fingertips became icy cold, even under the blankets. So dad gathered us around mom and we said our goodbyes. Compared to the previous night, mom looked so much more comfortable and at peace. Her breathing was much easier, her beautiful face was serene and looking content.

We went to sleep at about 2 - 3 am. Mom's breathing was so faint that I couldn't even hear it, although I was next to her holding her hand. It was so peaceful and easy compared to the previous night's strain.

I fell sound asleep, expecting her to slip away too. When we checked on her at 5 something, her extremeties were warm!
We said let's leave her to go in her own sweet time. We went back to sleep and at daybreak, mom was still the same. Another dawn, another few hours to appreciate this remarkable woman who keeps defying the doctors. As Mike put it "She surprised us again."

She's getting herself ready. We've done everything and will continue to be with her. Now it's for her to get herself ready, in her own time and with God's gentle guidance.

Every additional hour is a bonus opportunity to cherish her, love her and pray with her.

Quiet day

It's been a quiet day. Mom looked so comfy that we were envious!

We managed to get some rest this afternoon, in order to be ready for more music and song tonight.

Mom is fading, but she's still very comfy and peaceful. She has some phlegm which we are treating with the medicine given by Hospis. We also have a suction pump on standby in case it gets really bad, but we will try our best not to use that.

We've been giving mom her medicines and changing her position every few hours. Her blood circulation is still pretty good, so she's warm all over. Strong willed indeed. We gave her a manicure and pedicure just now :)

Her haematologist Dr Puru made a special trip to see mom today, and it was such a good thing. I think the dr needed to see that mom was comfy. All the time that mom was in Pantai, Dr. Puru would anxiously call me and the Pantai doctors to keep track of mom's condition. Now she too can have closure.

Please help us to pass the word around. Mom has touched so many people and we can't keep track of them all.

Mom still going strong

At about 3pm yesterday, Pastor Andrew Cheah, a lovely smiley pastor from St Mary's church came and read to mom. She seemed to enjoy it. Then at about 5pm, the Hospis dr came to see mom and alerted us that she is shutting down and it may be a mattter of hours.

We informed the family and close friends and people started arriving. All the people that mom knows and loves came. Bernard brought his keyboard and sang to her all evening. Mom's eyebrows would go up and her hand would respond when she heard her favourite songs : South Of The Border, Hello Dolly, You Are My Sunshine, Oh What A Friend We Have In Jesus and Amazing Grace.

It was a night filled with Love and Rememberance of good times. Just like mom to bring us all together! I can imagine her playing the charming hostess and greeting everyone!

Later, at about 9 or 10pm, the intervals between each breath grew longer and longer. Sometimes, almost one minute would pass without her breathing. So we all gathered around her bedside and spoke to her, bracing ourselves for her to take her leave and telling her it's ok to go.

Well, if you know mom, you would know how long she takes to say goodbye and take her leave. It always happens at every function. She knows so many people. So when dad says it's time to leave, she will start saying her goodbyes and it will take forever. So why should this be any different now?

The family is clear that we have given her permission to go. Wati has also spoken to her on behalf of Ken. So I don't think it is us that is holding her back. I think it is her will. And you know how strong willed she is :)

Throughout her irregular breathing, her heart was strong. Her pulse was strong. At about midnight, Sonny half-jokingly said we'd better to prepare more oxygen for her. He knows her well too.

Anyway, we got ready to spend the night with mom. Wati, Mike, Phyllis, Mellissa, Maxine and David (my cousin) all camped out - on the various sofas, mattresses, chairs and floors. Our cats must have been wondering why so many people scattered all over! This is mom's way of bringing the family together and raising us to a higher degree of intimacy.

At about 2 -3am, we all dozed off. I was holding mom's hand and was stretched out on 3 chairs beside her so I could hear her breathing. It became more regular! Her pulse and her grip remained strong. I had a feeling she wasn't ready to go yet. So we slept.

At about 6.30am, we started waking up, and yes! Mom was still going strong. Her breathing was more regular, her grip and pulse are not as strong now. She is so peaceful. No problem breathing, no struggle of any kind. Bena and the nurse gave her a sponge bath and settled her down.

Meanwhile, I quickly ordered more oxygen! Sonny's prediction came true.

Dad and I are just amazed at her strength and resilience. Or stubborness. She is so strong willed, she will go when she is good and ready and no one can tell her otherwise. We are happy to support her in this, and we abide by her wish. I remain open to 'hear' what else she wants. As long as she is comfortable and peaceful, we can be at peace too.

Peaceful Night

Mom had a very peaceful night, and so far today has been nice and quiet too. Her breathing is less noisy, her kidneys are slowing down, everything is slowly shutting down, but she is at peace. She's still responsive to our voices and what we say to her.

I told her I'm busy arranging her church service and wake, so she must tell me what she wants. You know how she likes to be in charge of organising every sngle detail right? So I knew she would want to have her say. I told her to tell it to my heart and I will be able to know what she wants.

And then, of course, she sent me a very clear message. Mike and Dad were very happy to hear it, and I'm now trying to arrange it. Will publish the info once we get approval.

If you'd like to come and say goodbye, this is the best time. She's at home, at peace.

Last night, we sang to her, and she gave her half smile and gripped my niece's hand very tightly. Maybe she wanted us to stop!!! Hahaha... She is still aware and this is the best time to express our love and appreciation to her.

Mom is home.

Sorry, not able to access blogspot for past 24 hours, and a lot has happened!

This morning, mom's vitals started slowing down and her oxygen absorption dropped a lot. Her condition is deteriorating. I asked the dr if she could possibly hold on until tomorrow (Thursday) to go home, and he said we'd better bring her home today. The faster, the better.

We immediately called LifeLink to supply home nurses and equipment. Mom needs A LOT of things to sustain her in comfort. Morphine in syringe pump, 10 litres of oxygen! and a long list of IV medications.

Finally, to cut a long and incredibly stressful story short - we brought mom home at about 4pm. It took another hour or two to settle her down and run through all her medicines. Meanwhile, hoards of visitors came but respectfully waited outside while we settled mom in. Thank you for your understanding and patience!

It's amazing how much we all accomplished today. While Wati, Bena, cousin David Cheah and I were at the hospital with mom, Dad, Mike and Sonny went and confirmed a beautiful crematorium and memoorial garden to place mom's urn. Apparently, the place was so beautiful and restful that Dad also bought one for himself, and Mike bought the one next to them. So all settled.

Mom's ok. Tired out from the journey home and resting. Thank God we didn't wait. She would be probably be even weaker tomorrow.